Stigma Added Hurdle for Parents of Addicted Kids
Spring Lake residents discuss challenges of finding the right help for their son.
Their son had stolen from them. Lied to them. Made them pariah's in their community.
But John and Linda, whose last name was withheld for privacy, still loved their 19-year-old son, and they traveled from Spring Lake to be his advocate once again.
Sitting in the gym Tuesday at Daytop Prep School, a Mendham non-profit substance abuse treatment organization, John and Linda testified to the Task Force on Heroin and Other Opiate Use Amongst New Jersey's Youth and Young Adults with details of their plight, and the hope that their experience could help make a change statewide.
Their testimony was first before the panel, who will be crafting a report of their findings for Gov. Chris Christie and the legislature on how to address the epidemic of opiates in the Garden State.
And while they did discuss the difficulty they had in getting their son into treatment, both Linda and John expressed their concern that facilities were not easy to work with.
"In these facilities he could sign himself out after three days," John said. "Even if we are the ones paying for the treatment he can sign himself out."
While leaving a facility early is a major concern, just getting in for treatment can be daunting.
According to John, it is difficult to reach the criteria for admission, which is why he and Linda are pushing for parity.
"If my son had cancer, he would be able to get help," Linda said. "This addiction is a disease. He needs in-patient treatment at a good facility."
Beyond the financial cost of fighting the addiction, both John and Linda discussed stigma of their son's illness.
"We have had educated, professional people look at us and treat us like we were no better than drug addicts," John said. "There is a stigma attached to this."
Linda understood some of the reaction, even from their neighbors.
"They're parents too," Linda said. "I can understand that."
Editor's note: This is the second of a five-part series about a hearing held at Daytop Prep School in Mendham by the Governor's Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Task Force on Heroin and Other Opiate Use Amongst New Jersey's Youth and Young Adults.
Part I: Ex-Heroin Addict Tells Task Force: I Was Killing Myself
cv
10:01 am on Thursday, July 12, 2012
Good for Linda and John to come foward and shame on anyone who dosent understand this growing problem.
janice
10:37 am on Thursday, July 12, 2012
This is for Linda and John -- we went through the same thing. We were lucky. I know several families in town who weren't that lucky. We still have our son.
We went through 5 years of absolute hell. Our son has been clean for several years now and is moving on. Most of our neighbors were supportive, but a few were absolutely horrible to us. I felt like a failure as a parent, but attending Al-anon meetings and some therapy has helped me tremendously.
My advice to parents of addicted children is NEVER give up on them -- do anything you can to get between them and the drugs -- and always LOVE and support them as hard as it may be at times!!
KG
10:01 pm on Thursday, July 12, 2012
I am going through this right now and it is truly a nightmare. I am trying to hold on and pray every night for him. Doing everything in my power to try to help him get clean and remain clean.
It is so hard to talk about. I have acquaintances and co-workers who ask what my son is doing...and I don't know how to answer them. I just get a pain in my heart because I wish I could respond the way it seems most parents do but our story seems so different. It is good to hear I am not alone.
I am never going to give up..as long as he is here with me I will keep fighting for him but it is such a challenge sometimes.
Jefferson Mom
1:34 pm on Monday, July 16, 2012
KG-It is hard to talk about. BILY (Because I Love You) is a self help parent support group that meets in Jefferson every Monday night from 7-830 at the Jefferson BOE community room. It is for parents who are experiencing behavioral issues, including but not limited to substance abuse, with thier children. BILY also has a chapter in Livingston. See www.bily.org for more information.
KC
11:34 pm on Thursday, August 2, 2012
KC
KG-I am going through this right now to. My daughter has lost everything to addiction and physical abuse by a boyfriend. He destroyed her mentally to. She was set to graduate college this year and he made her quit school. I have cried almost everyday for 5 months now since I found out she was with him and using. She went to rehab on her own in another state and got away from him. She was doing good and stayed there in a halfway house because she's afraid to come home. But depression over everything she lost and not seeing her family made her relapse yesterday. She went back into detox. She was the last kid on earth I thought this would happen to. She was my best friend and like you I Will never abandon her. But it hurts so much when people ask how's your daughter doing in school. And when they talk about how good their kids are doing. It breaks my heart to think of all she's lost. And I pray everyday she beats this. But I'm so scared I'm gonna loose her and she's gonna go to far one night. I was slipping into a depression myself and almost had a nervous breakdown. But I'm lucky to have a close family that is there for me and I realized I have to be strong for my other children. Just remember your not alone in this and keep doing what your doing. They need to know we will always love them. They know at least they have that if nothing else. Hang in there!!